Introduction

A studio executive leaves his family and travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he\\\'s been forced to hide for 20 years. \\\"Juliann Garey writes with stark, lucid power about the tumbling journey into madness and the agonizing climb back out.\\\"--Brian Yorkey, book and lyrics for Next to Normal In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free rein to the bipolar disorder he\\\'s been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years. The novel intricately weaves together three timelines: the story of Greyson\\\'s travels (Rome, Israel, Santiago, Thailand, Uganda); the progressive unraveling of his own father seen through Greyson\\\'s eyes as a child; and the intimacies and estrangements of his marriage. The entire narrative unfolds in the time it takes him to undergo twelve 30-second electroshock treatments in a New York psychiatric ward. This is a literary page-turner of the first order, and a brilliant inside look at mental illness.

Editorial Review

Amazon Best Books of the Month, December 2012: Debut novelist Juliann Garey channels movie studio exec Greyson Toddâ??s spiral into madness with the intimacy of memoir. Punctuated by electroshock treatments that dampen Greyson's extremes at the expense of his sense of self, Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See maps his memories before and since his motherâ??s death threw his mind for a perpetual loop. Greyson's roaring mania has an upside: It spawns a lust for risks that reward him richly in Hollywood. But as the highs give way to immobilizing lows that become impossible to hide, he leaves his wife and daughter and disappears into the Israeli outback, then Nairobi, Bangkok, and eventually New York, where everyone is â??impatient and irritable and agitated,â?? so he fits right in. Deep cash reserves allow Greyson to indulge the urges brought on by full-blown bipolar disorder for a good decade before he lands in a psych ward, and his exploits take on spectacularly lavish, absurd proportions, but youâ??ll laugh through gritted teeth. And though you may not ever like him, youâ??ll know his pain well enough to be grateful for every grain of sanity he regains. --Mari Malcolm

Excerpt

I cannot pretend to be the person they think I am for one more day. Slowly, over time, like wallpaper, the face I have shown the world has peeled away. I am a building on the brink of being condemned. Of condemnation. I have tried for the longest time to hide it. To show only the best sides of myself in the most flattering light at the best time of the day.

Ellen kept my secret for as long as she could. She knew as well as I did that in this town, if people smell weakness, they will kill you, eat you, and spit your bones into a shallow grave in the Valley. And that’s if they like you. Ellen didn’t want that any more than I did. So we pretended. Long and hard. And then Victor found out. But only a little. Only the tip.

Part of me wishes I could tell Victor. Or just say goodbye. I know he will be hurt. And this matters to me. Victor is the closest I have come to a real adult friendship. But I will sacrifice my friend in order to save myself. I’m sorry, Victor. You may never understand. But I know if you were me you’d do the same. That’s why we are friends.

I don’t feel this way about my wife. Or my daughter. There was a time I thought Ellen would always understand. But at some point, she let go. And once I really started drowning, she became increasingly

angry with me for not being able to swim. And Willa doesn’t realize it yet, but I have been breaking her heart a little bit every day.

I have been gone for a long time. It just took me a while to work up enough desperation to leave.

Copyright © 2012 by Juliann Garey

Published by

Soho Press, Inc.

853 Broadway

New York, NY 10003

This book is a work of fiction. References to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locales are intended only to provide a sense of authenticity, and are used fictitiously. All other characters, and all incidents and dialogue, are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. view abbreviated excerpt only...

Discussion Questions

1.) Over the course of the novel, Greyson does a lot of damage to a lot of people. How responsible do you think he is for his actions?

2.) How is the theme of memory manifested in the structure of the novel? Why is this important?

3.) Let’s assume Greyson is not a bad guy, but rather a guy who does bad things. What makes him sympathetic to you?

4.) In 1982 Greyson felt he had to hide his bipolar disorder to keep his job. Does the stigma still exist today? If so, why do you think we’re so afraid of it?

Weblinks

»	Author Juliann Garey's web site
»	Publisher's Book Info

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