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Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity
by Andrew Solomon

Published: 2012-11-13
Hardcover : 976 pages
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12 clubs reading this now
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From the National Book Award–winning author of The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression comes a monumental new work, a decade in the writing, about family. In Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but ...
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Introduction

From the National Book Award–winning author of The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression comes a monumental new work, a decade in the writing, about family. In Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so.

Solomon’s startling proposition is that diversity is what unites us all. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, multiple severe disabilities, with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. While each of these characteristics is potentially isolating, the experience of difference within families is universal, as are the triumphs of love Solomon documents in every chapter.

All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent parents should accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves. Drawing on forty thousand pages of interview transcripts with more than three hundred families, Solomon mines the eloquence of ordinary people facing extreme challenges. Whether considering prenatal screening for genetic disorders, cochlear implants for the deaf, or gender reassignment surgery for transgender people, Solomon narrates a universal struggle toward compassion. Many families grow closer through caring for a challenging child; most discover supportive communities of others similarly affected; some are inspired to become advocates and activists, celebrating the very conditions they once feared. Woven into their courageous and affirming stories is Solomon’s journey to accepting his own identity, which culminated in his midlife decision, influenced by this research, to become a parent.

Elegantly reported by a spectacularly original thinker, Far from the Tree explores themes of generosity, acceptance, and tolerance—all rooted in the insight that love can transcend every prejudice. This crucial and revelatory book expands our definition of what it is to be human.

Editorial Review

Amazon Best Books of the Month, November 2012: Anyone whoâ??s ever said (or heard or thought) the adage â??chip off the old blockâ?? might burrow into Andrew Solomonâ??s tome about the ways in which children are different from their parents--and what such differences do to our conventional ideas about family. Ruminative, personal, and reportorial all at once, Solomon--who won a National Book Award for his treatise on depression, The Noonday Demon--begins by describing his own experience as the gay son of heterosexual parents, then goes on to investigate the worlds of deaf children of hearing parents, dwarves born into â??normalâ?? families, and so on. His observations and conclusions are complex and not easily summarized, with one exception: The chapter on children of law-abiding parents who become criminals. Solomon rightly points out that this is a very different situation indeed: â??to be or produce a schizophrenic...is generally deemed a misfortune,â?? he writes. â??To...produce a criminal is often deemed a failure.â?? Still, parents must cope with or not, accept or not, the deeds or behaviors or syndromes of their offspring. How they do or do not do that makes for fascinating and disturbing reading. --Sara Nelson

Excerpt

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Discussion Questions

Suggested by Members

Page 10: like most parents, genuinely believe that her way of being happy was the best way of being happy. Do you agree?
The second half of that statement is that she wanted to change her own identity (as mom of gay man) but to fix that, she had to fix him. Discuss the repeated idea that often it's how the disability reflects back on the parent that is part of the pr
Is it denial or just devaluing what they are missing that made people want children like them?
by mystryrdr (see profile) 02/11/14

Notes From the Author to the Bookclub

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Member Reviews

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by Erica C. (see profile) 05/10/17

 
  "Far From the Tree"by Julie B. (see profile) 01/22/15

A fascinating, exhaustive study of what it means to be a parent.

 
  "Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity"by Debbie E. (see profile) 01/22/15

A must for all parents.

 
  "Relevant & Fascinating book that is GREAT for discussion"by Stephanie L. (see profile) 02/11/14

Maybe the best non-fiction book I've ever read. So topical, so important, and both revealing but with sensitivity, as well as thought provoking & relatively un-biased. Soloman shows us the pain that so... (read more)

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