Introduction

What happens when you love everything about a man except for who he is?

After the heartbreaking death of her physician husband, Kate begins a new career as an attorney to support her two young children. When she finally finds the courage to reenter the dating world, she falls prey to Len, a powerful Wall Street banker. Len's wealth and influence become the compelling aphrodisiac that draws Kate into his world of private jets, five-star vacations and Cartier jewelry. It's not long before Len begins to strategically acquire Kate's heart in the same calculated way he lands multibillion-dollar deals - by pouncing on the vulnerable and taking control.

Lured by the excitement and glamour she finds on Len's arm, Kate struggles with what he can offer her and her children against what's really important to her - love, respect and honesty. As Kate searches to find what matters most, she sets off on an extraordinary adventure -climbing to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro, the highest mountain in Africa. When she returns, it is with an open heart and a newfound strength that will allow her to be loved by a good man.

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Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

October

Leonard told me that it was his mother’s fault, a result of the fact that she smoked throughout her pregnancy with him, that he would grow to a mere five feet six inches. Since I never saw a picture of her, I never knew if it was also her fault, although hardly preventable, that no woman on the streets of New York would ever turn her head if he walked by.

He had married a beautiful woman, his high school sweetheart, and considered their union as one of “Beauty and the Beast”. He had all the trappings of the little man, the Napoleon, who was to succeed grandly and existed to control those around him.

His wife had died after twenty-four years of marriage, although her cancer allowed her to linger for the final eighteen torturous months. But Leonard was not one to linger over anybody. Two months after her death he was reading the personal ads in New York magazine. It was there that he found mine.

Beautiful lawyer, 40 year old winsome widow in Ct. with two kids looking for love and laughter with a kind, professional man. Photo available.

Over the course of three weeks, I received forty letters in response to my ad. I threw away thirty-nine. The man who sent a picture of himself in a Speedo bathing suit with his muscular hairy chest bursting left nothing to my imagination. Several women failed to realize that a beautiful widow is a woman and sent me pictures of their cleavage. And, of course, the man incarcerated in Alabama who read New York magazine and sent a salacious letter was not what I had in mind when I placed the ad. Leonard’s letter arrived last, just when I had nearly given up all hope that a widow living in a small town in central Connecticut could ever find her next love.

The envelope was marked with the insignia from the Ritz Carlton Hotel.

Dear Young Widow in Ct.

I read your ad on the plane going to a business meeting in Arizona. I am a young 50-year-old widower who lives in New Jersey. I am a very personable, warm, kind, very intelligent, loyal, romantic, energetic, very athletic, emotionally and financially secure person with a great sense of humor and a high degree of integrity. Women generally describe me as ‘very cute’.

I love kids and enjoy family, friends, travel, sports, music, and theater. I have never responded to an ad before but I was struck by your being a widow and a lawyer (describing yourself as beautiful also helped). I am a real estate investment banker with a large U.S. based company. I have three great children, a son who is in medical school, a daughter who is a teacher and a son at Cornell.

I am interested in meeting a person who is refined, very sweet, warm, intelligent, articulate and very attractive – a woman who I can admire and who is comfortable in jeans or black tie.

While you will meet men who are better looking (and who have better handwriting) you will not meet anyone who is more personable, or a nicer, higher quality person.

Since I have not responded to ads I do not have stock pictures to send. I therefore am sending a passport photo type picture I had taken – which honestly does not do me justice even though I do not claim to be Robert Redford.

If my letter merits your interest call me at the following number. The best time to reach me is between 9 p.m. and 11:30 p.m. during the week – anytime on the week- ends (although I frequently travel to watch my son play college football). I am an early riser so you may call me after 6:30 a.m. – if I do not answer I am either traveling on business or out jogging.

I am a non-smoker. I hope to hear from you. Sincerely,? Leonard

The picture had fallen out of the envelope and fluttered to the ground. As I picked it up, one look at the black and white photo revealed a man who could have claimed to resemble a version of Anthony Hopkins but should have been flattered to have his name merely mentioned in the same sentence as Robert Redford. Yet, I was determined to press on because I had two precious children who needed me to do just that. After all, cancer had made me a widow at the age of thirty-five and it had been a long uphill climb since then.

Cancer ended Jake’s life; along the way it had ravaged mine. The fifteen months of Jake’s illness I had spent caring for him, having abandoned all other roles, and then I had lost that job too.

When I thought of Jake, I could only envision him sick, his body devastated. It was at least a year before I could picture his thick black hair, straight aquiline nose, large brown eyes, and full lips smiling. And then one night I had a wonderful dream of making love to a healthy Jake.

Jake seemed like an island of tranquility in this world, and once I landed on that island I couldn’t imagine life anywhere else. Jake and I were married the following May, for better or for worse. Our marriage lasted twelve years, deprived of the next forty years we craved. view abbreviated excerpt only...

Discussion Questions

1. There's been a lot of reaction from readers that Len was unattractive, not terribly charming, not good in bed in the beginning. Very early on even - why did Kate keep this going?

2. There are moments - he threatens to kick the chair out from under Kate, says that he identifies with Raskolnikov, he's not nice to Kate's friends, doesn't care where Kate lives in New York, Len is seeing other women and sleeping with Kate, he says he's never been to Anguilla before, he's rude to waiters, his partner calls him "the biggest bastard of all". At what point might Kate say enough because of one or all of these? And why didn't she?

3. Should she have returned the jewelry?

4. Did Kate's experience as a widow and her relationship with Len translate to either your life or someone you know?

5. Did the book inspire you to think of way to be on Top, even if it didn't involve climbing a mountain?

Weblinks

»	Author Deborah Schwartz's web site

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