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Sixtyfive Roses: A Sister's Memoir
by Heather Summerhayes Cariou
Published: 2008-01-25
Paperback : 436 pages
Paperback : 436 pages
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A loving, funny and profoundly moving literary memoir. The redemptive story of two sisters growing up in the shadow of a fatal illness, and a family fighting for a child's ...
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Introduction
A loving, funny and profoundly moving literary memoir. The redemptive story of two sisters growing up in the shadow of a fatal illness, and a family fighting for a child's life.
Excerpt
CHAPTER NINE“My mind tells me to give up, but my heart won’t let me.” – Jennifer Tyler
The great mountain range that isManhattanfloats upside down on the water’s surface, shimmering and dissolving before my gaze. TheHudson Riverglistens in the sun, and glimmers beneath the moon. Great oil tankers and cruise ships maneuver the shipping lanes, dwarfing small pleasure boats and single-man kayaks. Mesmerized as I am by its breathtaking beauty, it is easy for a moment to forget what lies submerged, the cold and treacherous pull of the currents, the whirlpools, obscure shoals and the rocky ledges below. Rogue logs, called deadheads, float perilously shrouded by waves and whitecaps. ...
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Discussion Questions
1. Do you agree with the way in which Donna and Doug handled the diagnosis with regards to their daughters? Would you have been that honest? If so, why, and if not, why not?2. What were the family’s strengths and weaknesses? How do you see them as compared to your own?
3. Pam said that whenever a friend died, she thought of the part of them that she admired most, and endeavoured to take that quality into her own persona, to give her strength, and give that person a way of living on through her. What did you admire most about Pam , Heather, and the rest of the family members? What would you take from them, or their story, to use in your own life?
4. Heather did a lot of acting out during her formative years. She was in a lot of pain that she wasn’t able to articulate artfully. Is there a young (or older) person in your life who might not be able to adequately express their fear or anger? What would you do to help such a person?
5. The extended family members were at the least unsupportive and at the worst hurtful. Do you understand their position and sympathise with their predicament, or do you feel they could have played a more positive role?
6. Heather had tremendous issues of self-worth both connected to and independant of her sister. At one point, she went to school in a wig and overly-done makeup. What were your issues of self-worth as a teenager, and what did they stem from? How did you overcome them – or have you?
7. Pam developed a philosophy of life beyond her years. Do you think she learned this, or was this outlook part of her nature? What did her family have to do with her success at battling her disease, and in turn, how was she able to help her family deal with it?
8. How much do you think Pam’s illness had to do with the demise of Heather’s marriage?
9. What do you think is the difference between giving up and surrender?
10. Has reading this story changed your perspective on your life or your family in an way? If so, how?
Notes From the Author to the Bookclub
Describe the central idea of the book – “Sixtyfive Roses” is first and foremost a love story between two sisters. Given the unpredictable nature of my sister’s chronic-terminal illness, our relationship was always on shaky ground. Indeed, as the metaphor of the book implies, our entire life as a family living with disease was like a constant ride on a deep and fast-moving river. In writing the story, I wanted to show how we found joy and meaning in a world full of pain and uncertainty. Ultimately, the central focus of the book is how not to give up, how to find your true power and identity, even in the bleakest of circumstances. What made you want to write this book? Very simple: to keep a promise. My sister asked me as she lay dying, to “Tell our story, what we lived through together.” She wanted to leave a legacy for others, and she wanted me to have a new purpose in my life. When she was diagnosed at the age of four, I had promised to die with her. Perhaps she feared I might actually find a way to do that. Instead, through the writing of the book, and the sharing of our story with others, both Pam and I have been given a new life. What do you want readers to take away with them after reading the book? I want those who are caring for a disabled loved one, or those grieving the loss of a loved one, to feel comforted and validated. I hope readers in general will feel inspired to overcome whatever obstacles they may be faced with in their life, and might also re-examine their family relationships with a deeper compassion. I very much want to pass on the pillars of Pam’s legacy: that you can’t control life by being afraid of it; that the only true power we have is our choice to change ourselves when we can’t change our circumstances; that we have a responsibility to be open to and when possible, to create joy in our lives; and that although we must never give up, the time may come to surrender. In my sister’s words:Book Club Recommendations
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