Introduction

"Smart and sophisticated . . . Kingston's radar is, as always, acute . . . Here's one title the neighbourhood book clubs absolutely do not want to wait for in paperback." --Toronto Star

There is a wife crisis in North America, a brewing storm of conflicting forces swirling around what it means to be a wife at the beginning of the 21st Century. The word is so fraught with ambiguity that it has become a litmus test, eliciting from women emotions ranging from longing to antipathy, anxiety to derision. This crisis is at the heart of Anne Kingston's The Meaning of Wife.

Delving into the complex, troubling, and sometimes humorous contradictions, illusions, and realities of contemporary wifehood, Kingston takes the reader on a fascinating journey into the wedding industrial complex, which elevates the bride to a potent consumer icon; through the recent romanticization of domesticity; and across the conflicted terrain of wifely sexuality. She looks at "wife backlash," and the new wave of neo-traditionalism that urges women to marry before their "best-before" dates expire; explores the apotheosis of abused wives and the strange celebration of wives who kill; and muses on the fact that Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart, two of the world's wealthiest and most influential women, are both non-wives whose success has hinged on thier understanding of wives. The result is an entertaining mix of social, sexual, historical, and economic commentary that is bound to stir debate even as it reframes our view of both women and marriage.

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Excerpt

Chapter 1

The Wife Gap


Wife. Four letters. One syllable. Simple, or so it seems. Yet this common word has become one of the most complex signifiers in the English language, weighted by past definitions, blurred by personal biases. The associations it elicits are bipolar in their scope: by the beginning of the twenty-first century, wife was variously presented as the source of female damnation or salvation, enchantment or disenchantment, captivity or rescue. Take your pick. Evidence can be marshaled to support either case. The truth exists in neither. ... view entire excerpt...

Discussion Questions

Questions from the Publisher's Reading Guide:

1. The book’s opening quotation, from the late scholar and novelist Carolyn Heilbrun, describes the power of storytelling and icons in defining a woman’s identity. From English royalty to Lorena Bobbitt, how has wifedom
evolved over generations? What do your family’s narratives indicate about the women in your ancestry?

2. The Meaning of Wife provides extensive history regarding “coverture,” which allowed a woman’s identity to be legally subsumed by her husband’s upon marriage. Though such laws are rarely seen in the Western world today, do you believe that coverture continues to exist in less obvious ways?

3. Does the desire for a fairy-tale wedding contradict the desire to become a self-actualized, strong woman? Why have so many brides and their families succumbed to pricey materialism in contemporary weddings? How have your own ideas about “the perfect wedding” changed throughout your lifetime?

4. The “wife gap” is a catch-22 for wives who work outside the home. Who or what has perpetuated the mystique of traditional roles for women? Why does this mystique so often undermine a woman’s efforts to gain power in a
domain other than a domestic one?

5. How do you define “sexual liberation”? To what do you attribute the lack of sexual spark in so many contemporary marriages? How do you explain the expectation of some men that their wives enter the marriage as virgins who
can nonetheless perform like experienced dynamos?

6. What is your perception of abused women who inflict violence, lethal or otherwise, on their abusers, as described in the chapter titled “Love Hurts”? How would you have ruled during the trials of Hedda Nussbaum or Britain’s Sara Thornton? How do their stories differ from Nicole Brown’s, and the stories of others like her?

7. Discuss the rise of the “unwife.” Is financial liberation the primary reason for the census boom in single women, or are there less tangible reasons?
Why do some segments of society feel threatened by successful single women?

8. To what do you attribute the judicial shifts that have given bigger divorce settlements to the ex-wives of high-paid executives? How do you think courts—and society—should go about measuring a wife’s worth?

9. The image of Princess Diana’s wedding day opens and closes The Meaning of Wife. What are your personal associations with that image? Will the twenty-first century uphold it as an ideal to emulate?

10. What do you make of the media icons referred to in the book, from Mary Tyler Moore to Martha Stewart and Bridget Jones? Do they prove that the media shape our aspirations? Or are the media simply mirroring society?

11. In chapter nine, “The Wife Axis,” the author highlights dilemmas in defining the current role of wife: while wives have been freed from many of their historical tethers, society still burdens them with numerous hollow duties, judging them harshly when fantastic expectations are not met. How long will this cycle remain? What prescription can you offer for healing the institution of wifehood?

12. What does the surge in bestsellers on how to “catch” a husband indicate about the mindset of contemporary bachelors? How would you characterize the current balance of power between single men and single women?

13. Did the cultural revolution of the 1960s affect your dating habits and expectations of marriage? Compared to your parents and grandparents, do you believe that you are more or less likely to find fulfillment in life?

14. From where did you learn how to define “wife”? Do any aspects of traditional wives appeal to you, or do you consider this concept to be fraught with myth? In your opinion, what is the ideal meaning of wife?

15. What future do you envision for new generations of women? Who will be their strongest agents for change?

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»	Publisher's Reading Guide

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