I was struck by the author’s almost casual response to her mistakes in life, and to those of other people of color. Although she does accept a modicum of responsibility, she points fingers elsewhere and blames the world outside, like Romney and Reagan, etc. for putting the people of color in a position to make their mistakes, as if they did not make those choices freely, but were coerced to do so by an evil system of systemic racism. I find that attitude speaks a bit of arrogance and expectation, entitlement and anger, rather than remorse and responsibility. I do not think there is systemic racism; I think there is systemic rationalization. I think her blatant dislike of the current President in the last essay, although he has done much for her community of color, shows a political bias for a party that has been proven to consistently hold people of color down with their policies.
Still, Kristie Johnson was able to get grants to go to school for her MFA while also getting government assistance so that she could raise her two sons properly. A single mom, with a failed marriage and irresponsible relationships behind her, she was hoping to change her life for the better. Yet, any gratitude expressed for the advantages she was provided in her life, by her country, are couched in a narrative that seems to justify the errors made, blaming the responsibility for those errors elsewhere. She justifies stealing because of poverty, cheating because of loneliness, poor judgment because of hopelessness. If someone points that out, she points fingers at them implying that their racism is responsible.
I consider the author lucky in many ways. She had a loving family and loyal friends. She had compassionate mentors. She wanted to be a writer, and after screwing up her life, having a child as a teen, dropping out of school, failing in relationships and marriages, America smiled on her and gave her another opportunity. She succeeded, but still made some very unethical choices as late as 2017. I think it is time to say thank you, and not carry an attitude of well that was yesterday, what will you do for me tomorrow? Kristie Robin Johnson is successful because this country is not systemically racist, but because this country provided her with opportunities that others were never given, and she was smart enough to take advantage of them to improve her life.
I enjoyed reading her essays because they were really enlightening about how she and others feel about America, their lifestyles, their hopes and dreams and their choices and their mistakes. An easy read, it is a very human tale of suffering and joy, success and failure, love and hate, but not all in equal measure. More emphasis is placed on the negative areas of her life that she had to overcome than on the successes that she was able to achieve and to whom she owes some appreciation for those successes. Her life was not easy. Her mom, suffering greatly from the sudden death of her husband, turned to drugs to relieve her emotional pain. Kristie, therefore, grew up with a drug addict for a parent, albeit a parent who loved her very much. Eventually, Krisitie also turned to substance abuse to ease her own pain after her life took a downward turn.
Kristie tends to generalize behavior. Because she was raped, men are evil. She knew her decision to enter the man’s room was foolish, but she did it anyway. Sadly, it turned out to be a traumatic experience she kept hidden for years. There seems to still be a lot of resentment in her, but the United States gave her a lot of opportunity in the face of her many failures, and to me, that does not speak of systemic racism. Rewriting history cannot erase it. Kristie’s modus operandi seems to be that if she wants something, she justifies taking it, whether or not it is the sensible choice; then she blames society if something goes wrong. Her essays show some growth in maturity and decision making but not in accepting total responsibility or in appreciating what she has been given. I found that disappointing and indicative of the problems we are facing in America today. We all suffer to some degree, some more than others; it is how we choose to overcome the suffering that defines us. It is what we learn from our trials that makes us a failure or a success. It is how we work for change by adjusting our own behavior and not by expecting those around us to adjust theirs.
So, while the book draws you right in, with the inviting writing style of Johnson, it also is a painful read. Learning about the monumental difficulties Kristie had to overcome, regardless of their cause, is a testament to her courage, strength and ability to finally be introspective enough to recognize what she needed to do to climb out of the hole, rather than to keep digging, making it deeper. She stopped the pattern of making poor choices because they were easier or seemed the only way, but she did still justify many, even as she started to make more thoughtful decisions that put her and her family on the right track. She writes so tenderly about her friends and family that the reader may wish that, he/she too, had such deep and loyal relationships. The death of her father, her mother, her divorce, her disabled child, her alcohol use, her rape, all of these events were difficult to deal with, but while many of her problems were outside her ability to control, many were of her own making.
Johnson cites the number of people shot by police, more than 900, but does not compare the number of blacks to the number of others, making one think that over 900 people of color were outright murdered by the police. She offers no explanations as to the causes of the deaths. Also, it happens that more white people are shot by the police, but that is not mentioned. I suppose it would not justify the point she wants to make that people of color are, indeed, harassed more often. However, it is a failure of responsibility when facts are left out. While not as prevalent, white people are also harassed by the police. White people are also warned by their parents not to harass the police. I know I was. Was it because I am Jewish? Once, after I was stopped by a local officer, I went to the community mayor who told me “you are lucky you don’t live in Germany.” There are good and bad people everywhere.
So, in conclusion, I liked the writing style. It was like taking a real peek into her life, through journal type entries that read like personal conversations or letters to a friend, but I found it hard to sympathize with some of the reasons for her poor decisions. Rather than judge them, I would rather question the reasons behind them. It seems to me that, at times, while she accepted responsibility for them, she didn’t give nearly enough credit to the system and country that allowed her to recover from her many mistakes and to succeed as the author of a best selling book being actively marketed. She insists racism is the cause of her problems, her son’s problems, her family’s problems, and for most of the problems of people of color. The behavior of her community is free from responsibility for their choices. She believes they are forced to behave the way they do.
This woman’s life was hard, and it is laudable that she was able to pick herself up and straighten it out so remarkably. Others, not as strong, might have failed miserably. Others have.