Absolution: Aa Novel, Alice McDermott, author; Jesse Vilinsky, Rachel Kenney, narrators
I am old enough to remember how women were once raised only to go to college to earn an MRS Degree, to be a good caretaker of the home and hearth and to be a perfect “helpmeet”, which really meant to be an adjunct of your husband, and to subsume your own desires. You were certainly secondary, no matter how much your husband loved and cherished you. He, and all of his needs, came first.
Patricia and Charlene, Rainey’s mother, were in Vietnam together with their husbands. This is Patricia and Rainey’s interpretation of those years and the years that followed. Both Tricia and Rainey give their generational perspective of their past, and their purposes, as they look back on their lives. The reader will be inspired to think about many things.
Patricia and Charlene accompanied their husbands to Vietnam for their tour of duty. The reader will observe the conflicts they dealt with, for as they were having their social gatherings, the men were often fighting and suffering in the field of war. Are any wars worth it? Today, our taxpayer dollars are going to the war between Russia and Ukraine while we denigrate the war between Israel and the Palestinians, even as we half-heartedly support them. What are our goals? What side should we support? Who is wrong, the attacker or the attacked?
Moving on, Charlene is a strong, aggressive woman, therefore some women resent her demands, well-meaning as they might be. She inspires them to create the Saigon Barbie doll. She engages a Vietnamese woman, Lily, to arrange to sew the clothing for them. Tricia roams the hospital halls and passes them out with treats to patients and children. Does this give them satisfaction? Do they feel part of the war effort? Of course, today, because of their demands for equal rights, they are often actually on the field of war, in danger, and not at their “garden parties”. So, have women advanced? Is it better to be part of the “killing fields”?
As time passed and the war ended in ignominy, the women returned home with their husbands and families to continue their lives. Women entered the work force, and in some instances, businesses once dominated by men, became almost all female. In some cases, the professional and sophisticated atmosphere, changed. The offices and buildings once beautiful, became utilitarian. Banks are a good example. Was this truly advancement? Did the business become less majestic as women became involved? Then the dress code changed too. One often wondered what the women were selling, themselves or the property, the music or their bodies? Is that really progress? There no longer is any sense of modesty or self-respect in the traditional sense, but women do have more freedom and do participate more. Times have changed, and they are no longer thought of as fluff, but often look that way. Suits and ties are gone, and the standards for appropriate dress seem fluid.
McDermott shows great insight into the relationships of the couples and their children from generation to generation. Childbearing became easier with technological advances. Today, you can hire someone to carry a child for you, you can have a test that tells you if the fetus is compromised, you no longer have to bear a Downs Syndrome child. You can choose the color of your baby’s eyes. Yet, once, we loved all of our children, even those that were compromised. So is the ability to end a life you don’t think is good enough really an improvement? It is a concept that is worthy of further thought.
The old-fashioned wedding, with all of its sentimentality and white gowns of purity is no longer fashionable either, in some circles. The first dance sentimental songs of old are gone. The author uses “More” as an example, my own wedding song, and I was moved, but sadly, to know that the expression of love for each other has perhaps given way to the expression of popular songs to dance to, instead. Grooms wear dresses, men marry men and women marry women, couples live together to test out their relationships before they marry. Is that an improvement? There are more divorces today than ever before, and/or perhaps there are fewer traditional marriages. Even the birth rate has dropped for some demographics. Parenting has improved though, since men are more involved with the raising of the children, and while it blurs the lines between male and female responsibility, it must certainly make the child feel more loved. Yet, this generation of children seems lazier by far, than the “greatest generation” that once lived.
Then we bear witness to Dominic and Ellen and their seven children vs Rainey and Doug. Dominic has a loving relationship with his youngest child, a victim of Down’s Syndrome. They are always sharing what seems like good times together. Rainey, on the other hand, unlike Lily and her twin from Vietnam, is not close to her twin, or even her children. They seem to have moved on with their own’ lives. Though they built it, they haven’t come to visit. Did they build it too late or did they build relationships that never grew deep enough, that concentrated on individual needs, rather than the family’s needs. Who is better off? Who is happier? We bear witness to harsh words from Doug when he is confused, and watch them banter with each other with resentment and barely hidden anger while we see Dominic and his child always relating warmly to each other.
So, I found this to be a very insightful book, and it is funny, but when I finished this book about the women and how their lives have changed over the following decades, I thought of the phrase from the Virginia Slims cigarette commercial, “You’ve come a long way baby”, and I wondered, have they really? Like the commercial that inspired us to smoke what we now call “cancer sticks”, against logic, have women lost more than they have gained, after all this time? Have they gained respect or simply acknowledgement. Have they improved or simply gotten more aggressive in order to compete with those they think are more aggressive, as in “toxic men”? Do our labels harm or help us?
Our values have changed so much, but they seem to have gotten more clinical and harder or colder. Generational differences are highlighted in this book, with the previous one condemned for its lack of civil rights, its human rights abuses, and its class warfare. However, what has really changed. Has one group to be abused merely been exchanged for another? Do we adjust our principles to serve our own needs? Has human life gained more or less value as time has passed? I often wonder about that.
Even with the greater openness and honesty often expressed, with the violent crimes and disrespectful behavior we often witness, do we not see that the driving force is not community, but maybe the promotion of selfish, individual advancement over all our other goals. We witness those who simply want to drift through life, making no contribution at all. Have women grown, truly, or simply made themselves more obvious in their quest?
I thought about the Saigon Barbie dolls. Did they help the Vietnamese? It seems in the end, it helped the Americans, since Dominic still has his? The Vietnamese, however, needed to concentrate more on actual survival, than on dolls. In America, we have the privilege of living well, and of having no wars on our shores, yet. So, I asked myself, was the noble effort of the women worthwhile, or have we fooled ourselves into thinking it was, because who benefitted from it more, those who felt virtuous for having made the and distributed the dolls, or those who were simply trying to live in a war zone?
Women have always done important things, even if it was only to enhance the men at first. Today, they are doctors and lawyers and scientists. They have had their own battlefields to conquer, I sometimes wonder if we lost the right battles to win the war, in some cases. Relationships certainly have changed, opportunities have changed, but perhaps, we need to make some additional changes to bring back some sentimentality to our lives.
Are we doomed to live with regret instead of contentment about a life well lived? Circumstances beyond our control enter our lives. Doug has dementia. Charlene dies young. Tricia is childless. So as we move on, do we remain in place? All the years we fought to eliminate Communism now seem fruitless as it seems to want to germinate now in our own country. The hatred of old seems to be the hatred of today as antisemitism rises.
Is it possible to accept our lives without resentment? Is it possible to achieve peace if our own personal success is more important than the happiness of others? Have we lost the actual idea of respecting the rights of others in favor of winning at all costs? I am not sure that the author meant for me to become so thoughtful about the past and what it has morphed into in the present, since her book was really about the way women have progressed, but then, they have taken the rest of the world with them on their journey, have they not? Has there truly been improvement in our way of life? As the reader is reminded of the civil rights struggles, the assassinations, the protests and the conflicts, will the reader get any closer to answering that question for themselves. Is it better to mend yourself as the Buddhists say, or to repair the world which is the advice of the Jews? Have we repaired the world or is tikkun olam just a pipedream? Was Stella right? Is violence the only way to repair the world?