Falling from Disgrace, Tammy Dietz
When I began this book, I was unsure of what to expect. I hoped the book would not be trashing anyone’s religious beliefs or belittling any particular religion, period. I was duly impressed by the writing style and simple honest message imparted to the reader by Tammy Dietz. By the end of the book, I felt as if I knew her, as if I had been having a thoughtful conversation with her. Although she questioned her own religious upbringing, often defying the most important rules of the Latter-Day Saints that women must follow, her writing lacked angry condemnation, always leaving the door open to returning to the fold. She continued to show respect for those individuals who lived within the boundaries of the Latter Day Saints, even as they refused to show her respect.
All of her fears and doubts were comingled with her attempts to understand why she felt the way she did about her life, about why she differed from her family and others, why she felt some of the expectations of the church were hypocritical and not based on her real needs in life. In every way, even as she disassociated herself from some of the beliefs of her religion, as she broke not only religious law, but also criminal law, she tried to see the promise of her religion as well as its failures. She was able to praise the Mormons for the things she learned from their guidance that held her in good stead, throughout her life, even as they attempted to shame her into returning to the fold to prevent her excommunication because she refused to apologize for her behavior and repent.
Necessity taught her how to survive, but also, she learned those skills from her Mormon experiences as well. She seemed always to land in a space of patient understanding that defied her age. She had the ability to try to see, to explore all sides of an issue before making a judgement, before overreacting, in spite of the fact that everyone around her, in her religious life, was unable to answer her questions, solve her problems or make her less confused. The more they interceded into her choices in life, the more they drove her away. Mormon women and men, refuse or are unable or are not allowed to question any of the doctrine, but Tammy could not prevent herself from questioning all of it and from being disappointed in the answers she received. A chance visit to a library introduced her to another side of life and questions about the origin of the Latter-Day Saints. Suddenly, she began to grow and come of age.
The book covers her life, in depth, from the age of 9, in 1976 to 2009. At the time of the writing of her memoir, however, after being married for three decades, we meet a mature woman who now has her own family and a successful life. Her story is uplifting and a must read for anyone, male or female who is conflicted about their lifestyle. With good relationships, friends and lovers who are able to communicate with empathy, all things were possible for Tammy. It is possible that a path like that would be one that would lead many others to overcome failure, mistakes, even health issues, if they are supported and not shamed, if they are encouraged and not discouraged from moving on to try more of life’s opportunities and adventures.
Raised as a Mormon, Tammy always felt kind of like an outsider, always felt that there was something missing from her life. She was brought up to be obedient and to serve the church and the man she would eventually marry. She was taught to believe that women were subservient to men in a home that was chaotic with a father who was a hoarder, who never reached his potential, and a mother who was emotionally disabled from the frustration and constant abuse she lived with in such a home. Although she loved the Church and the camaraderie of the members, the singing and the meetings, the feeling of belonging, she also liked the comfort of sexual relationships, and friendships outside the church. She defied the church’s teaching that confounded her and she overcame all adversity, sometimes caused by others, sometimes by herself, and she came of age to become a person who could contribute and respect herself. Confused, lacking in self-confidence, suffering from unexplained fainting spells, neglected at home, her moral compass seemed to finally come of age when no matter what life threw at her, she bounced back up and faced it. Nothing stopped her, not health issues, Mormon hypocrisy, a dysfunctional family or her own loose moral standards prevented her from putting herself together to become a woman of virtue. I loved this book.