The Real Mrs. Tobias, Sally Koslow, author; Kendra Hoffman, Carrie Beaulieu, narrators
This novel really explores the relationships of several generations of the Tobias family, their spouses, their children and their associates. Dr. Veronika Tobias, is a psychotherapist. Her husband David started the family clothing business. They have two children, fraternal twins, Jordan and Jake. Jordan has a partner named Kit. She and Kit are moving in together and want to have a child. Jake (Jacob) is married to Melony Glazer. They have a son, Micah. Veronika adores her grandson, Micah. She is thrilled that her daughter might give her another grandchild. Jake works in the family business with his dad. His son Micah does not want to work in the family business. Micah is married to Birdie Peterson. They have a very precocious toddler, Alice. Melony loves her grandchild, Alice. Micah and Birdie are having marital problems which is ironic, since Melony is a marriage counselor, but she cannot help them. The author examines the family issues and interactions that make up the real-life drama of the characters in this novel. It is written with such a light and humorous touch, that it captures the essence of Jewish family life and behavior, and is a delightful read.
Veronika is like “Charles in charge”. She is a typical stereotypical Jewish mother and grandmother. As a psychotherapist, she considers herself to be “above” her daughter-in-law, Melony, a mere therapist who mainly does marriage counseling. She is a bit haughty and can be a self-appointed important authority on everything. She interferes, with abandon, into the affairs of each family member. She is not so much the nurturer to her children, withholding praise and compliments, but is the loving partner of her husband David. Her son Jake is beginning to have concerns about David. He is behaving oddly. When he is diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease, and then Lewy Body Dementia, Melony steps in to help. David’s behavior is causing problems for the business. His occasional, outrageous comments are costing the business some of its customers. At first, Veronika is in denial about David’s decline.
Melony, is keenly aware of the fact that she is not a doctor, as Veronika has pretty much made her aware of the fact that she is “less”. She is also a bit of a helicopter parent, wanting to wield too much influence over her son. However, in reality, he needs guidance. He is very young and very immature. He fell madly in love and married Birdie at the age of 20. At that time, like Melony, when Melony married Jake, Birdie was with child. Alice was born, and Melony adores her grandchild.
Birdie feels as if she is looked at as kind of a hayseed, since she is from the slower farm life of Iowans, and the Tobias family is entrenched in the hectic New York City life. Birdie resents Micah’s relationship with Melony. Micah does not seem ready to be a husband and a parent. He is too attached to his mother and seeks her advice before Birdie’s which is a source of argument.
Jordan is worried about bringing Kit to meet the family and of how they will react when she announces they want to have a child with a sperm donor. Jordan is “out of the closet” as a lesbian.
One night, while Micah was driving home from a night on the town, quite inebriated, he thinks that he might have hit an object that was in the road. He briefly looks around, but when he sees nothing immediately, he decides to flee the scene and does not search for his victim. He tries to convince himself that nothing terrible has really happened. When he confesses to Birdie about it, she is horrified. She insists that he call the police to explain what has occurred. When he refuses, it causes a rift between them that may be unbridgeable. She takes Alice and retreats to her parent’s family farm in Iowa. Once there, she readjusts easily to the slower pace and reignites a friendship with Leif, her former high school sweetheart.
In the meantime, in the spirit of “six degrees of separation”, Melony is engaged by a new client. This client tells her that she is taking care of a severely injured friend, Delia, who was in a hit and run accident. This woman’s husband believes she is too invested in her friend, She insists that they pay her medical and hospital bills and then also brought her home to live with them to convalesce and heal. Delia has no one else, but this is a terrible strain on their marriage. She doesn’t know what to do. She does not want to lose her husband, but she doesn’t feel right abandoning her friend, either.
Melony is tasked with helping her work through her marital problems and her relationship with Delia, but at the same time, she realizes that she cannot reveal that Delia might have been Micah’s victim on the night he hit something in the road. She is in a very compromising situation. By some accident of fate, though, Delia finds Micah, and their friendship begins as they realize he was the cause of her injuries. Does he begin to accept his responsibilities? Will it be enough for Birdie? Can all of their problems be reconciled?
Then to complicate their lives further, Jordan tells Melony that Kit will bear the child they want to have. Melony does not want Kit to bear the child because she doesn’t want to lose another grandchild, as Alice is now living far away with Birdie. If Kit and Jordan break up, what is to prevent Kit from absconding with the child? Kit seems very young and immature. When her worst fears are realized, Jordan still wants a child of her own.
Veronika suggests that Jordan speaks to her brother Micah, her twin, about using his sperm to have the child, rather than a stranger’s sperm with an unknown genetic background. Melony thinks it is a strange suggestion, perhaps incestuous, and Birdie is horrified.
The Tobias family dynamic, complete with the over-parenting, helicoptering, guilting and shaming, busybody atmosphere of each parent when it comes to the child, partner or in-law, is handled with aplomb and is presented with such good-natured humor that often uses self-deprecation to explain away their over reactions or lack of reaction to protect their family, that it is an easy read that will make the readers smile and think about comparisons to their own real lives.
There is a clash of cultures between the sophisticates from New York and the farmgirl from Iowa that will make the reader wonder which place is better and a more authentic life. They both have positives and negatives. Maybe both lifestyles are able to offer a great deal when appreciated by more thoughtful and centered adults.
The nature of these relationships exposes the flaws in the characters who are related by blood, marriage, or commonality. The extended family deals with each other in different ways depending on their individual experiences. They each have to grow in some way as their character is exposed.
The story is very clever and the banter between the characters is witty and subtly revealing. Even when there are traumatic moments, they are not hard to read about because of the light touch of the author’s writing style. The Passover dinner with its description of the exhausting rituals, that is coupled with the story of the Peterson family’s search for the right Christmas tree, are just two examples that make this book about family dynamics come together like a well knitted sweater.