Lost in Thought, Deborah Serra, author
I enjoyed this book because it made me think. I may not have agreed with every word or premise, or even the writing style, at times, but the mark of a good book for me is a book that makes me think. That book enriches my life. This is such a book.
Who are you? Have you ever wondered? Ilana, the main character of this book is madly wondering who she is and where she came from. However, why is she so consumed with this passionate desire to discover her ancestry? What was wrong with her life? From the outside looking in…nothing! She had an apartment in Greenwich Village, a successful career managing an Opera House, she had David, a compassionate boyfriend, she had a best friend William, and a busy work and social schedule that she managed well. So, why was she searching for something else? What was missing and what did she hope to discover? Will this book answer those questions or will it demand each reader answer those questions about their own life choices?
Although Ilana loved her parents and knew that they had loved her, she never really felt like she knew her true identity or who she really was inside or out. Ilana had been adopted, and after the recent pandemic pushed people into isolation, creating fear and loneliness and forcing everyone to have more time to think, more time to contemplate their true purpose in a life that might be cut short too soon, or that might change forever with a population of masked, socially distancing, frightened human beings, Ilana felt confused and vulnerable. The catastrophic death of her mother from Cancer made her uncertainty worse. Although she had never before felt the need to explore her background, she now felt compelled to explore her origin.
When she discovered that her mother, Fiona, operated a bar in Albany, NY, she decided to go there, anonymously, to see where she came from and what kind of person her birth mother was that she could give up her child. Why did this visit make Ilana begin to wonder even more about her own decisions in life? Did she consciously make her choices or were they genetically and magically somehow all determined by her DNA with baked in memories, some not her own, but were those belonging to trace memories of her ancestors’, as her boyfriend believed? In Albany, she tried to simply be a voyeur, an observer who would then return home, no one else the wiser, but she was swept into Fiona’s life, unexpectedly, and what she discovered would change the path of her own life completely.
Why did Ilana choose the path she was on? Was her formality and finer upbringing better than the crudeness of the lifestyle of her birth mother’s family. Was her sense of privilege guiding her and the lack of that privilege guiding them? Was their freedom to feel and act more openly better than her way of having complete control of her emotions and reactions leaving her stilted and distant, at times? Why was her path so different? Would she be willing to change her present content life for the chaotic type of life she witnessed, a life that seemed to be filled with unrestrained love and joy on a more instinctual, emotional level? Could she embrace her new family? Would Fiona allow it? Would she want her secret exposed? Could the knowledge of Ilana’s existence destroy the lives of others?
There were so many interesting characters like William and Isabella, Cafferty and David, Shea and Patrick. They all represented different sides of the coin, of the personality and behavioral choices.
Would Ilana discover who she was or would she remain confused? Would the reader have made the same choices as Ilana? What was it that determined Ilana’s lifestyle, her DNA, her upbringing, or something else? Would the knowledge of her true background conflict with the person she believed she had become or would she become someone else in the process? If everything you believed about yourself was challenged, how would you react? Would you try to fit into that new vision of yourself? Which one would be the right one, the one you were raised as or the one you would have been raised as if you had not been adopted. Who is your true mother? Is it the one that raised you or the one that birthed you?
This is a book that is about the choices that determine our lives. Each of the characters has faced life differently. Did privilege have anything to do with the trajectory of their lives or ours? Do we assume we are better or worse depending on our status? Is it possible to cross class lines? This is a book about identity, religion, loyalty, freedom, privilege, elitism, choices, decisions, pathways, and change. Who are we really?