Hell if we don’t change our ways, a memoir, Brittany Means, author
It feels like the memoir rolls out in fits and spurts as it presents sound bites of a life that struggles to come to the surface. Defying the odds, Brittany Means crawls out of the depths of her despair and a world filled with dysfunction. She escapes her environment and makes something of her life that is not only successful, but that brings her pleasure. She, unlike her mother, seems to have found an enduring and supportive relationship with Jeff. As we read, many of her childhood memories are awakened and an adult emerges. That adult is still growing.
Brittany was raised in the home of her grandparents for a good portion of her life. They were holy rollers, deep into their religious beliefs. Her mom had been a devotee, but then she left the church. On occasion, she returned home and resumed attending services. Brittany was forced to attend as well, but she never felt the calling. Her grandparents were also hoarders, and although not poor, they lived in squalor.  Still, they always welcomed their daughter Kristie and her daughter Brittany into their home, as it was, regardless of Brittany’s questionable parentage. Brittany was aware of the fact that she did not look like any of the people around her. Brittany never knew her father. Her mom was in and out of her life, as well, especially after her early childhood, so it was her early years that gave her the most joy and feelings of being loved, but also the time that her memory became very spotty. 
Because her mom was in and out of relationships and was soon addicted to drugs, Brittany’s life became increasingly dysfunctional. Her mom, Kristie, often left her, only to return with her “flavor of the day”. She would take Brittany back and spirit her away to a series of new homes as she fell in with each new boyfriend. When Kristie had another child, Brittany had a brother to love. Ben and Brittany learned how to live their lives around their mother’s addiction and dysfunction, but Ben’s father Jon, often took him home for visits after they split up. That provided him with an occasional reprieve from the abusive home life Brittany endured. Each time Kristie abandoned them both, they lived in their grandparent’s barn. When she returned, they either moved on or remained there. Their grandparents always gave them a home and did love them.
During her life, Brittany had a hard time making friends. In addition to being insecure, her lifestyle made it more difficult. She looked different than those around her because of her darker skin color, and she was actually forced to parent to her own parent, who often was in a drug induced stupor. Eventually, Brittany did make a very close friend. She and Shirley remain friends today. Shirley often helped her get it together when she felt like she was flying apart. 
Soon, she had a boyfriend too. Clay made her feel loved, but he eventually abandoned her for another girlfriend, though not completely. He wanted to keep Brittany on the side. Her insecurity made her a willing victim. When Kristie disappeared for a long time and Brittany was desperate, she called Clay and his mother and father took her into their home. Eventually, they fostered her. Although they were forbidden to have a relationship under that roof, it soon began, and with it, Clay also began to change. He became abusive. Even with the problems in the Smith home, Brittany was able to get a taste of what a loving family life was like, what life was for a far more normal family than her own.
Brittany harmed herself to try and feel something, and sometimes, she did it to stop herself from feeling. She was afraid of relationships because she didn’t trust them. Her mom had been so unreliable. She was often running after cars as her mom abandoned her once more and left her with her grandparents, or as Jon picked Ben up and left her behind. Because of her mother’s lifestyle, she was subjected to abuse, physical and sexual, and that abuse left her emotionally scarred. It is quite amazing that she was able to turn her life around in spite of all she had endured. Because of the lack of a stable environment and a functioning parent, she blocked many of her memories and her memoir indicates a troubled background that is incomplete, but still growing.
As the life of this poor girl into a woman is slowly revealed, the abuse and mistreatment seem to be in most of the environments in which she grew up. Therefore, her self esteem was non-existent. She never felt she quite fit into any place. In bits and pieces that often seemed random, but were not, her life literally unravels and is finally rebuilt. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, she is able to put herself back together and go on.