I have been reading Judith Viorst books for decades. I gave so many away as gifts for milestone birthdays and still have many on my bookshelves, because I treasure the printed book over the digital. Viorst has always been right on target as she interpreted our daily lives with all of its warts and foibles contrasted with its strengths and virtues, all of its anxieties and joys, its shortcomings and advantages, all of the possible “goods and bads” in each major phase of our time on this mortal coil. My favorite poem that she wrote is “The Good Daughter”. It guided me through some of the highs and lows in my life concerning sibling rivalry, and it always left me smiling after the tears. This book, too, is right on target, but perhaps because I am so close to the time period and final act that she is describing, I didn’t find it quite as funny. I did find it meaningful and poignant, however as she addresses the issues that the elderly face as they are forced to deal with the inevitability of life’s end, as we all will, but we do not have to go “quietly into that night”. I hope to rage as Dylan Thomas suggests.
After reading just the first chapter, I decided that everyone should put this on their bucket list. It is perfect. She has expertly described the waning years of life with equal parts humor and pathos and with so much accuracy and heart that no one will be able to look away from the pages. The old and the young will come away with a greater understanding of how their behavior affects others and perhaps will be inspired to make a positive change in instances where they fall short. While I am at the lower end of those people she describes in this brief little book, who are living in their “final fifth”, I am definitely in that stage of life actively wondering when it will be my turn to have a final act. Her descriptions of how those she knows are dealing with their “end of life” days, not as ends, but as beginnings, are tender, and her descriptions of the loneliness of widowhood and widowerhood are humane, with just a touch of wit. Loss, grief, and loneliness are real aspects of our lives, especially as we get older and older. She deals with the issues with honesty and courage, because for many, facing the truth about the end of days is too brutal a thought to contemplate. Basically, her message is don’t look back in anger, savor the memories, don’t have regrets, continue to express yourself, even when those around you dismiss you as irrelevant because of your age and inability to contribute the way you used to when you were younger and more able. Don't let those who try to silence you succeed.
I ctually believe that not only those in their “final fifth” will enjoy this book, but those in their second and third would do well to read it too. It would be wonderful if those who are young and seemingly unaware of the fact that they too will grow old one day, could be enlightened to understand the agonies and the ecstasies of aging, and to therefore learn to treat the elderly with a little more respect, a little more compassion and a little more kindness. Their wisdom is acquired from the many years they have lived, and that is a gift they can share with those willing to listen. Too many today, even my own relatives, have dismissed those my age as part of the past, dinosaurs they are not interested in hearing or including any longer in discussions, or even gatherings, because they can be burdensome.
Viorst has expertly diagnosed every little nuance of old age, every little concern that we human beings face, but she, because she is a woman, concentrates on the female who is aging, a bit more than the male. She does also include men in some of her little anecdotes, but I believe this book will appeal more to the woman’s side of the aging coin, since it is a fairly well-known fact that women seem to live longer, and that means they live longer alone, and they face the exigencies of aging alone. When women and men were asked for their opinions, it became very obvious to me that men and women were quite different even in how they faced their last act. Widows, widowers, marrieds or singles, men seemed to me to face it more intellectually, more often filled the void with another partner, and women faced it more emotionally and with more loneliness, but that just might be my personal opinion since it is certainly not a fact driven home in this brief little book. Like all the books this author writes, however, it is meant to help guide you through a period of your life that is otherwise untouched by most authors and is definitely going to approach all of us. The decline of health, the diminishing of strength, the loneliness of old age are facts that all will have to face, but some will not even feel lonely. Kudos to them. Prepare for the very real possibility of being alone by starting early to fill your life with plans to prevent it from being empty.
On the negative side, even though I really enjoyed and liked this book, and I was also moved from tears to laughter and back again several times as she described the thoughts and moments the elderly are forced to face and deal with, without exception, and I also truly admired the message she presented in her “final act”, with its tremendous insight, I was very disappointed that in her final effort she also chose to be like many authors today, who first and foremost, feel that they must present their political ideology to the reading public. Truly, we are not concerned with what party the author supports. We are concerned with the writing and the pleasure we derive from the book.
Viorst never mentioned any names, but she alluded to the current administration on several occasions and did not even try to camouflage the fact that she was referring to Trump and the Republicans. She simply repeatedly emphasized her good works, which were taken from the Progressive’s handbook. The good people should reflect on their past, as she had, and continue to be good as they proceed into the not-too-distant unknowable term of their future. As good residents of the RC (Retirement Community), they should still be volunteers, activists that support immigrants, soup kitchens and choice, (but obviously for abortion since education was not mentioned). Since it is well known that those who protest are generally on the left, her side of the political stage was apparent. Although she recommended being more open minded at the end of the book, and suggested talking more often and openly to people with different ideas, I did not detect any reference to politics in that recommendation, nor did I detect that she was more openminded or accepting of the right side of politics. Instead, she seemed very disappointed in the direction in which the country was moving, and did not seem to understand that those she represented on the left, who feel as she does, only want compromise when they are on the losing side, only when it serves their needs. She recommends activism and obstruction, which seems to be the playbook of the party she supports, even today. It is that very attitude that is leading us down the road to division and not unity, so I would have hoped that at her advanced age of the mid-nineties, she would have been more open to other points of view, as she suggested.
Still, she was never abrasive in her presentation, so the book should appeal to everyone who reads it. The goals she recommended are not the only goals. For me, law and order, secure borders, quality education, and merit-based advancement are primary goals. I am for choice, but not until birth. I am for clean air, but not at the expense of the United States, I am for health care for all, but not having illegals get it for free when legal citizens are forced to pay for it, I am for equal opportunity, but for those most qualified; I am not for equality of outcome but for equality of opportunity.
In my old age, I want to be remembered as someone who looked at both sides of the issues and did not tolerate the idea that only one point of view was the right point of view. I may not be remembered that way, but it will be because people who believe differently than I do only hear half of what I say, then they shut down and think of a retort and miss my message, but then, as someone who is old, I expect to be ignored; I say that with humor. In her “final act” Viorst put her foot on the pedal and her thumb on the scale of her liberal activism. Kudos to her in her mid-nineties, for having the courage of her convictions, but I, too, have the courage of mine. Forge forward and do get those chairs recovered. That is her ultimate message.